Den is there. I got it. It is a beautiful feeling to have created what I have created. A lot has happened in the last two years. We have witnessed a fucking pandemic for got sake! Den has still survived. I have given my all and there is nothing more to give. That was what I wanted… to give my everything. I won.
However, it doesn’t feel like a victory. Don’t get me wrong I have enjoyed the process.
I loved when people enjoyed watching me make pizza for them in the last two years. I loved making non-stop pizza at events. I loved talking to people and seeing them feeling amazed about the space. Celebrities have visited the cafe such as Radhika Madan and Jasleen Royal. I really love when live music was playing while I was making the food. Every day it is a fight for survival and I don’t ever give up.
Corona has been though. Around the same time last year, I was going to the cafe every day while doing the sale of hardly Rs 500. It hurts but still I fought and did what I had to do. For the last two years, at the end of the month, my target is not to get a penny in my pocket, it is to make sure I have enough money to pay salaries. However, when I cannot pay salaries and have to rely on my mom to pay it for me, seeing her face and worry for me, hurts.
Last winters were good. For the first time since starting den, I didn’t take any money from my family for six whole months. I remember how happy my mom was when I paid the internet bill of my home. However, I have been rowing against the winds for way too long now and I feel a sense of despair. I am bruised and I have given my everything to this crazy dream of mine. While I am writing the content down, I have a sense of calmness in myself. I know I have created something big, but only time will show what the seed germinates into.
I think I want to rest now, don’t want to row against the wind at the moment and enjoy this new shift that is coming to me. Let me be the gardener watering my little plant that is growing by itself into something mesmerising.
One thing is for sure, I know den can run without me and that I can take a small backseat and let the magic happen. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to continue making pizza. But I want to make them while being silent, while not showing off. I want to live in a world where no one care that vinayak aka Hungryhitchhiker is making the pizza for them. I want to be free and fly to recover from the injurious I am suffering for the last many years for this dream I saw. I might also not be making pizza. I don’t want to give any commitment to anyone and just fly.
I do feel good about the gaming culture that we have created at the Den. However, I do feel even that will take time to develop. To be honest, we are a bit dishearted by Jaipur. But at the same time, I do believe in Jaipur. It is just that everything takes time and in the meanwhile let my wounds heal. Also, I want to think about myself and do what I want to do by living in the present for I have lived enough with my mind in future for a lifetime. Okay, maybe I have achieved something and maybe victory is around the corner :).